25 Ways To Confuse Your Teacher
1. Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you have
a question, and mumble your question incoherantly while brushing, spewing
toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on
a tirade about proper oral hygiene.
2. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from
your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like,
"What!?" and "Speak up! You're
mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell
him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins."
3. If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a
pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas.
Liedown on the air mattress with the pillow and the blanketsand act like you're
asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes off,
preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing
so for the duration of the class.
4. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get
him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your
professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down
all these lies!"
5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle,
yell, "Look out!", and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act
like nothing happened. Do this every day.
6. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or
whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is,
start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return
for the rest of class.
7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take
attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class,
jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm
here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.
8. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout
class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up
during class, like your going to
miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for
someone to help you back up.
When class is over, say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.
9. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets.
Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.
10. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it.
If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty
any longer."
Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.
11. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're
called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as
if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait
for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly
irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks
when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at
the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."
12. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain
that drinking games make the class more interesting.
13. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it
a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.
14. Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your
professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and
run around the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"
15. Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise
party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a
piece of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.
16. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call
the paintings things like,"Professor Acting Like Mr.
Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's
Talking About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.
17. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out,
"Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.
18. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and
present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.
19.Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes
late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time
when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through
the window.
20. Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a
melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the
song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."
21. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that
you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class,
letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a
paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I
miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in
front of your professor.
22. When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your
professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the
sluggishness of the Postal Service.
23. Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing
class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write
down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your
efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your
professor. Demand extra credit.
24. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them,
write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and "You're the worst
professor in the world, but I still love you."
25. Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor
is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to
start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during
class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your
professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for
him/her to quiet down.
a question, and mumble your question incoherantly while brushing, spewing
toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on
a tirade about proper oral hygiene.
2. Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from
your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like,
"What!?" and "Speak up! You're
mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell
him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins."
3. If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a
pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas.
Liedown on the air mattress with the pillow and the blanketsand act like you're
asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes off,
preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing
so for the duration of the class.
4. Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get
him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your
professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down
all these lies!"
5. Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle,
yell, "Look out!", and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act
like nothing happened. Do this every day.
6. Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or
whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is,
start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return
for the rest of class.
7. Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take
attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class,
jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm
here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.
8. Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout
class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up
during class, like your going to
miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for
someone to help you back up.
When class is over, say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.
9. Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets.
Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.
10. Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it.
If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty
any longer."
Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.
11. Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're
called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as
if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait
for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly
irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks
when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at
the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."
12. Every time your professor stutters, do a shot. If he/she objects, explain
that drinking games make the class more interesting.
13. When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it
a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.
14. Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your
professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and
run around the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"
15. Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise
party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a
piece of cake. Keep asking people when the strippers are going to arrive.
16. Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call
the paintings things like,"Professor Acting Like Mr.
Know-It-All" or "Idiot Who Doesn't Know What The Hell He's
Talking About." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.
17. Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out,
"Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.
18. Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and
present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.
19.Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes
late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time
when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through
the window.
20. Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a
melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the
song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."
21. Get a monkey, and bring it to class with you. Tell your professor that
you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class,
letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a
paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I
miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in
front of your professor.
22. When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your
professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the
sluggishness of the Postal Service.
23. Tell your professor that you'd like to interview him/her for a writing
class. Get him/her to tell you his/her life story. Act interested, and write
down everything he/she says. Fabricate a few romantic interludes and turn your
efforts into a trashy romance novel. Make copies for the entire class, and your
professor. Demand extra credit.
24. Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them,
write things like, "You're the best, even though you suck" and "You're the worst
professor in the world, but I still love you."
25. Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor
is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to
start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during
class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your
professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for
him/her to quiet down.